Late November
The stars don’t seem aligned tonight. They look all scattered and misplaced. Kinda like us. I am sitting outside on this cold bench alone. Thinking, analyzing, and wondering about time. The past doesn’t exist, the future isn’t real, and the present moment has already left. I remember the days when I felt so cold inside that when I exhaled it seemed like I was breathing out snow. It’s November again. For some reason this month always makes me question my beliefs. Ever since I can remember every November my whole thought process restarts. What I once thought was true is false, and what I once loved, I don’t love anymore. At first when I realized that this “renewal” was happening every November I embraced it, but now it brings me fear. I begin to fear that I will never truly believe in anything. Is this good? A coincidence to all of this is that my birthday is in November. November 11th to be exact. I wonder if that has anything to do with this whole November renwal that happens to me. Sometimes I question myself and ask “is this all in your head?”. It’s not, I think, but I can’t be certain because most of everything in our lives that we experience is in our heads. Florida doesn’t get cold, but some days during the Fall it gets a bit chilly (cold enough for some jeans and a hoodie), and when it does I get so many emotions at once that it is difficult to exhale. So I take a deep breath of the chilly air and breathe out. I will always stay misguided because I question everything, and never hold onto any kinds of beliefs.
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