When Stars Misguide Us

Find Yourself, Fall In Love, Explore Life, and Stay Misguided.

I Care, But I Have To Protect My Own Heart

The struggles between wanting to make a difference and facing the resistance and ingratitude that often accompany such efforts.

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I Want To Help

Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and seen a glimpse of their soul, felt a bit of their emotions?

A wave of empathy comes over me, and I want to help them, but how could I?

Everyone’s lives are so complex, and by the time you are 25, who you are is pretty much concrete. I am not saying that your choices are concrete; I am saying that your soul’s identity is concrete.

I want to help you, but how could I?

You sit there and pour out your problems to me, and I am listening, but knowing well that I can’t help you. Over the many years that I have known you, I saw the choices you made, and every negative choice you made, I knew that you didn’t want to hear from me.

How do I know this?

Because every time I tried to give you positive advice, you would get offended, say something mean to me, and continue to make your choices.

Now I sit and listen to the after-effects of all the negative choices you have made throughout the years, and you never wanted me to help you; you only wanted to be better than me, but how could you be better than me when we are equal, when we are all nothing compared to the universe?

Now I sit here late at night listening to your sorrows, and I feel bad for you, but I can’t give you my true thoughts and feelings; I can listen to you.

I tell you I wish I could give you good advice, and you tell me there is no helping me, I either stop doing what I am doing, or I don’t.

Sailing Away From Everything

I gave up helping people when I turned 25 years old.

I used to sit and talk with people for hours on multiple occasions. I would talk to people about their dreams, stress, relationships, future, etc., and try to help them have a clearer vision of their lives.

I would suggest books, friends, songs, advice, and careers that would fit them, but honestly, it would help them for a short amount of time, and then they would abandon our friendship in a mean way, and never talk to me or anyone else about the valuable information I gave them.

Instead, they would talk badly about me, or talk about the things I helped them with, and suggest that they figured it out on their own or that someone else helped them.

Now I am growing jaded and do not spend my time helping people emotionally, even though I have a desire in my heart to do so.

I only focus on my wife, daughter, and some family members’ emotions.

Many of my family members have hurt me emotionally more than a dozen times.

I only have a handful of friends and family that I still trust—in a matter of a year, coincidentally, the year my wife and I had our first child, friends and family disappeared from my life one by one, including my wife’s family and friends.

I am an open-hearted guy, and I am a listener. When I talk to someone, I make sure there is eye contact, and my attention is fully on them and the words that they are speaking. I try to be gentle and honest with the words I tell them.

Most of the people who disappeared from my life left dramatically or rudely.

Somehow, even when I am being positive, people get offended by what I say, and it ruins the relationship.

What did I do wrong?

Maybe I think too deeply, maybe I feel too much, maybe I need to be more hollow.

Photo of the author in Boston, MA, taken by the author’s wife

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