Question My Youth As A Youth

Walking down a dark road alone with my skateboard in my left hand and my heart on my sleeves.

It’s 10:30 pm, I am sixteen and it’s a Sunday night.

I like going out and skating at night because I feel so vulnerable and sometimes scared.

I live in suburbia mixed with country backroads and land.

As I skateboard I see subrubian copy-paste homes, empathy streets, light traffic roads, sounds of frogs, and the feeling of stillness.

I am walking on a dark street, no cars are present, only me and my thoughts.

I think to myself “What is the meaning of my existence?”, “What is the point of my actions?”, “Do my life choices even matter, do they truly affect my future?”.

I knew I was in high school and I felt my youth. I would contemplate in my mind “How do I still act young and at the same time make the right choices for my future.”

No one understood me. I was a “popular” kid, played sports, got good grades, and had tons of friends, most girls wanted to date me, listen to different music, play instruments, and so on.

Sometimes when you are too well-rounded it makes you an outcast.

I was a strange outcast because I was liked by everyone but no one related to me.

I never acted like a celebrity and I never followed any culture. I always act like me. I’m not sure if that makes sense.

I sound so stupid and childish I think to myself. I am feeling moody tonight.

I am sick of thinking in my head so I drop my plan B skateboard that has a sticker of a panda on the bottom of it and I put in my headphones and shuffle a playlist on my iPod nano.

I always listen to weird, soft music that people think is lame. I don’t care because it speaks to me.

Music always helps cure my soul when it is feeling a bit sick.

The song that randomly plays is a song called Plans by an artist named Plug In Stereo. One of the lyrics that hits me is:

Our plans keep on changing as we’re growing older

This kind of music and lyrics truly inspired me to create my own music as a young kid who felt lost and different. The positive and deep lyrics, soft guitar playing, and questioning youth.

I would show these kinds of songs to my friends, and even my songs to them but they would say it is soft and say that I am not a man because I sang about love, and how beautiful souls are when you are in love with someone’s.

Image created and taken by the author why he was skateboarding when he was 16 years old for his music EP

Here is one of the songs that I made when I was 16 for this EP called “I Remember”.

I better get home before I get in trouble I say to myself.

Then I look up to the starry sky and wonder about my beautiful girlfriend. I want to give her the world.

I kick and push my way back to the suburban neighborhood that holds so many memories in it, back to that house where my family is, and where so many memories were created.

As I skate I grow tired and feel lost, but I enjoy the feeling because it means I am alive.

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